Five ways Paw Patrol is sucking the life out my eyeballs

There was a time when I didn’t know what Paw Patrol was. Sure, I’d heard it mentioned. Pointed out in blog posts. I thought it was a boys programme, something that might never come into our lives. Oh how wrong I was. There was a time. Sigh.

Anyway that was then and this is now. Now, we are subjected to this blimming bloody programme every bleeding bummin day. When it comes on, a part of my life blood oozes a way. Brain cells trip over themselves to die. My eyes look for sharp objects to stab themselves with just so I don’t have to watch.

My daughter’s reaction is somewhat different. In fact, she can’t get enough of it. This is why we watch it so much. This is why, I have fallen into  a Paw Patrol depression and need to express my pain in some way. So here it is. Tell me, you understand.

  1. All the fake LOLs

paw patrol laugh

He he he he he. HE HE HE HE HE. He he he he. Lovely girl’s contest. I don’t know if it’s the acting, or the fact that what they’re supposed to be laughing at isn’t actually funny or just that someone said LAUGH and that that’s what came out. Treither way, the fake laughs are killing me. Stop it. Re-record. Have a listen to Peppa Pig and hear how laughs should sound. From the belly. The throat. Not from hell.

2. All the fake niceness

paw patrol
Nothing to see here. There’s never anything to see here. There is no crack. Or is there?

During the week I watched a scene where one of the dogs runs into a man carrying a massive pile of cakes he’s just baked and knocks everyone of them splat, onto the round. What would you say the aggreived baker’s reaction was? A stern word? A whoospie daisy? No, he immediately broke into a beam of a smile and told the dog he was great and he’d just make more. This is not how the how world works. We need to be teaching children to take responsibility for their actions, not praising them for knocking shit over. Do you think everyone in Paw Patrol could be on drugs? I’m starting to think this could explain a lot of things.

3. Roast Chickiletta

Choke the chicken

If I ever get my hands on Chickiletta, there’ll be roast chicken dinners for a week. That’ll serve Mayor Goodway and her ridiculous English aristocratic accent right. Anyone who devotes that much time to a pet chicken needs seeing to. Again, drugs?

4. Has no one heard of a book?

paw pad
Hope his charger breaks

Paw Patrol operates everything through a tablet system. Ryder’s way of contacting his team and controlling operations is through his trusty phone / tablet thingy. That’s grand, it’s the way of the world but does everything have to go through one device? Couldn’t they they feature the odd magazine, or newspaper or try to teach kids that the whole world doesn’t revolve around one small gadget? That’s why I spend the duration of Paw Patrol on my iPhone. It’s the only way I can get through it.

5. The noise

paw patrol guitar
Play it on this. Might sound softer zzzzzzz

The theme tune to Paw Patrol is, as far as theme tunes go, very good. It’s rockin, it’s upbeat, it’s catchy. But, the noise! Whenever the team go to do anything, the music kicks in GO GO GO and it doesn’t help when you’re trying to doze and block out the whole thing, even when you’re on the deaf side. Calm it down team, think of the olds.

So there you go. I have expressed some of the Paw Patrol rage. I feel better now. How about you? Do you enjoy the programme? If so you better be aged about two. Because that’s the only way I could ever forgive you.

If you enjoyed this you might like to read my blog post on the drug fuelled making of In the Night Garden. L.S.D.

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32 Comments on Five ways Paw Patrol is sucking the life out my eyeballs

  1. “Just Yelp for Help” – I get saying it once an episode. But every bloody five seconds it’s stupid catchphrase after stupid catchphrase. I’m not entirely sure why these dogs accept everything Ryder says – what does he have on them exactly? And while I have seperate comments about how the folks in PontyPandy use their public services; this town is requiring all public services to be done by dogs yet their mayor is human… I’m seeing some flaws in the system and potential for a season 3 takeover where the dogs fight back for power… Yes, I have watched too much.

    • I was going to comment on the lack of a public service but I ran out of steam! You are so right about the phrases, no pup is too small!! May have to update the article!

  2. Dinner gets made or I have a sneaky peaceful coffee while those pups are on. We’d starve without it so I love those pups for distracting Ben for about 13 mins! But yes I want to strangle the chicken too

  3. If I’m honest I like watching paw patrol. Sorry. Lol but only because it gives me some piece while he is watching it. Not so much for my little lady. We have all the toys and jigsaws too. *goes and hides*

    • Liking it because it gives you peace is ok. Liking it because you LIKE it is different! But they are very cute, I will admit that 🙂

  4. Totally agree. My daughter loves the theme tune. We listen to that then I turn it over! Thankfully she has a little dance and doesn’t realise I’ve skipped the program that is meant to follow. Also loved your ‘ In the night garden’post! x

    • I love Ben and Holly. And Peppa Pig. They’re funny, well written and not predictable. Not like some other programme we could mention!!

  5. I bow to you. This far outstrips my rant by far!

    The laughs when there isn’t anything funny. The complete absence of ANY conflict. If everyone has swish phones why don’t they call a real emergency service?

    Do you know who else speaks mainly in rhyme? Demons, that’s who. Creepy little possessed puppies. Why don’t any of the other animals talk?



    • Haha! I think we could be looking at a Paw Patrol support club here. A place where we go to talk, to be listened to, to share the pain! And then maybe the billionaires who made the programme could take note and improve things for the better. You forgot about one conflict – that male mayor who lives in the opposite town. GRRRRRRRR!

  6. I have just loaded up #effitfriday and there are two adjacent posts both telling me how bad Paw Patrol is. This is not the first time either I have seen people talking about the programs. I feel truely blessed that I have no toddler type people in my house, so am spared this obvious hell xx

    • You are blessed! I actually felt bad when I loaded up my piece, as if I was copying, but I honestly hadn’t seen the other before I wrote mine. Hopefully there’ll be a movement now, I think it is pushing parents into a funk all over the other country!

  7. Reading this and the other post about this on #effitfriday has made me realise how very lucky I am my daughter has latched on to Rainbow as her show of choice. We were around my mother-in-law’s the other day and she put on Peppa Pig for her niece, and my daughter just looked at it and crawled off in disgust. Lol.

  8. There is a lot of hate for Paw Patrol this week! I love how they all jump to action over the smallest thing, but then they create hundreds of pounds worth of damage and like you say everyone smiles and says it’s ok. I think you might be onto something with the drugs. maybe they’re all on LSD and the dogs aren’t even dogs really 🙂
    Thanks for linking up to #effitfriday

  9. Oh dear god Paw Patrol is awful!!!! I was starting to think I was going mad but I have at last found sanity in a sea of “it’s just a kids show, let him enjoy it!!!” For me and my 3 year old, it’s not so much the programme itself that irritates me (like others it gives me 10 minutes of peace) What does upset me is my son’s reaction when it ends. People think I must be over exaggerating when I say this but he goes into a full on stabby eyes, demon like rage as soon as its ended & it doesn’t matter what time of day it is. It’s like toddler crack to him & if he doesn’t get another hit, there’s trouble!!!

    I feel rightly justified in banning it from our house, just because of his reaction when it ends (in the short time I’ve allowed him to watch tv, no other series has ever made him react like that).

    • Woah. We have had a few of those actually now that you say it. She picks up the remote and whacks me on the head with it when it’s over. What’s this you say… TV heroin?? Could well be. Evil to the core!

  10. Now I’ve not seen Paw Patrol (yet, it’s coming I’m sure) but I have seen the horror of the OBNOXIOUS Mike the Knight. And the terror of Peppa Pig. What is it with kids TV these days?! I’m sure my mild mannered Thomas the Tank was inoffensive……..!

  11. i hate paw patrol the vechieals are tardis’s so dr who ripped off there ryder is like a evil bond villans but a good one
    thats why he has his own band of lackies and a base

    and also
    Marshel is really dumb, Chase is bad at being a cop, Zuma is bad at swimming, Rubble is a cry baby, Rocky hates recycling but he wears green, and Sky is bad at flying helicopters. This show ripped off team umizomy which was bad enough. Paw patrol should get cancelled

    • Hey you know a lot about the characters – sounds like you’ve been forced in front of that screen a LOT! I wouldn’t like to see it cancelled for our kids sake, how else would we get anything done LOL

  12. haha OMG ya like my spirit animal ya pretty much said everything I think and MORE (have a 6 yr old nephew who lives with us that loves this show and god help us they even made a paw patrol MOVIE that he made m mum take him to for 2 hrs !!)

    • Two hours. Two hours? I’d rather.. I dunno… DIE! haha, i did not know there was movie… do not tell my kids!

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