Five baby sleep positions: none of them good for Mum and Dad

five baby sleep positions

rel=”nofollow”Nurofen contacted me recently to review their products. They couldn’t send me Nurofen for Children, as there’s a law against that (or at least an ethics issue – the same way you can’t give out Parcetamol in your wedding toiletry basket in the loos – did you know that?) so they sent me on some Nurofen heat patches instead. I was delighted to try them out, as I suffer with a sore back and neck regularly (slighted twisted spine, at times resemble hunchback of Notre Dame, I’m lucky to be married at all).

I liked the patches. They’re small and uninvasive – a bit like wearing a big white plaster, and they warm up by touching your skin. It’s quite soothing. I’m a fan of the hot water bottle / bean bag when I have achy pains, heat is great for gently easing away the troublesome cramps or spasms. Of course, you can’t walk around with a beanie attached to say, your lower shoulder, so these patches offer a portable solution.

One of the major reasons I’ve been having back pain lately, is due to our sleeping habits. Or rather, the baby’s sleeping habits.

She sleeps in her own cot, but at night, religiously, she wakes for a feed and instead of trying to settle her back to her cot, she always comes into the bed with us. At the time, this always seems like the best option. She’s sleepy, I’m sleepy, our bed’s comfortable, the spare bed in her room is not. She’ll take a feed and pretty much go back to sleep.

Or so we fool ourselves.

Within half an hour, she’ll begin the ‘shifting positions.’

We put up with this in our sleep, letting her move, our parenting senses just making sure that she doesn’t fall out of the bed. As baby is nearly a year old now, these shifting positions are starting to have a very negative effect, because… she’s bleeding massive.

I’ve worked out five baby positions that we go through every single night. Today, both of us bleary-eyed, clutching at our kicked kidneys and reaching for the Nurofen patches (like Nicotine patches for parents) have silently agreed that perhaps, it’s time, to keep baby in her cot. No longer is our little bundle a tiny pleasure of puppy fatness; she’s a kicking, scratching, sleep killing monster. So, tonight, perhaps, we might try… TRY to settle her back to her cot. [Wish us luck ๐Ÿ™ ]

Here are the five baby sleep positions that destroy a parent’s soul. (And sleep).

1. The H Block

Five baby sleep positionsThis used not be a problem until she dramatically grew in length. Now both of us are gripping the sides of the bed. With our arse.

2. The I wonโ€™t cuddle you during the day but at night… canโ€™t get enough position

Five baby sleep positionsOur baby is not the most affectionate. She gets this from me. Yes, I’m cold and heartless. But, at night, she can’t get enough of the body contact. Usually on my face.

3. The I want to b a footballer when I grow up example

kick picOur baby is very talented. She can kick like Eric Cantona. Unlike Cantona however, she aims for the kidneys. Over and over and over again. All through the night. Ow. Ow.

4. The smack down

Five baby sleep positionsYou’d like to think she’s not doing it on purpose, but the absolute joy on her face when she lands another smacka packa on your face, sometimes makes you wonder. Ow. Again.

5. The I’m up, you’re up sleep position

five baby positionsDespite our attempts at training, the baby hasn’t learned how to read a clock yet. So, she can decide it’s morning time, anytime between ooo five am and five fifteen am. Morning time usually coincides with our ‘just after falling asleep’ positions. So, as you can imagine, we always wake up smiling, to our happy, singing, still smacking us in the face, only this time she’s not in the bed, bundle.

The joys. Of parenting.


I received some Nurofen Heat Patches for purposes of review. I did not receive any payment from Nurofen. As a sidenote, we do use Nurofen for Children when our baby is teething, feverish or in pain and have found it very useful. Especially as she refuses cuddles.

*Cartoons by @ladynicci.

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39 Comments on Five baby sleep positions: none of them good for Mum and Dad

  1. Oh so familiar to our bed too! Every morning (except for a blissful couple of months last year when he slept right through!) Luke is up at about 5am and we bring him into our bed. He definitely has all the moves you listed above too….I can’t even imagine what it’s like to wake in the morning anymore without 3 of us in there or without a toddler jumping on my head as my alarm!!

    • Yes 5am is a favourite time!! Not sure if we’ll last to toddler stage. Far too exhausted already!

  2. I’m really glad it’s not something we have really suffered with, I was stubborn in that regard especially once they went in to their own room at 10-12 weeks. There have been occasions but it’s usually pre-empted by illness. And now Miss Millie is getting her own bed and has been sleeping in her big sisters bed when she isn’t here so if there have been any problems I generally slip in there. Himself loves that sleeping arrangement.

  3. Louise, I love your discipline! I think we’re a bit soft. But my mam was telling me earlier, that on the second, there’s no way we’d let what’s happening now, happen. Baby number 2’s sleep like angels apparently!

  4. Lisa, I think the parenting consensus is that all mummys and daddys are happy when baby stays in their own bed! She slept great at first when we moved her into her own room, but she’s been going through bad phase of teething lately so that hasn’t helped the routine at all. Or the holidays. Havoc! Anyway, let’s hope we escape the ninja moves tonight!!

  5. oh god I could have wrote this post! Well, with the exception that we have a homemade cosleeper cot thingy attached to our bed. The child wont sleep in it. Never has. Instead it is sitting there gathering dust, washing and anything else thats fecked out of the bed/bedroom.
    I refuse to take it down as I have notions of the second child actually sleeping in it (im 16wks preggers).

    • Ah congrats! I would have loved one of those but our room was too small : / she’s still in the bed. Have been trying but it’s an uphill battle. Literally; we’re war wounded!

    • Yes sleeping on your throat! Hilarious. We’re on second night of cry it out for a few mins and is working. Praying she’ll stay asleep โ˜บ๏ธ

    • ah we all loved getting into the bed feeling warm and safe. then when you’re 12 and they’re like, get out! that’s when you know you should. (JOKE!)

  6. These are fabulous! My little one definitely does the smack down. My head always ends up on the edge of the bed as he pushes it off with his own. One day, I hope he will sleep all night in his own bed!

    • one day! actually we’ve gotten a lot stricter recently and kind of banished her from the bed a little. it works. the odd time!

  7. Haha, I just had to laugh at this! TL has only recently begun sleeping in our bed but is fond of the ‘H-block’ and the lying on our heads one too!

    • they know those kids, they know! luckily we have moved on quite a lot from the bed hopping but it’s still nice to have the little violent one in sometimes!

  8. Your illustrations are WONDERFUL. They have also made me appreciate my lovely bed even more than ever now. “She can kick like Eric Cantona” – I hope you encourage her to use that skill outside the bedroom, she’ll be a trophy winner soon! Great post.

    • ha thank you. yes they are only stick men but they took me ages! she is obsessed with football and she’s only one! i hope she will be sporty, because it’s great to out in the open and playing sport ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for your comment x

  9. Oh number two used to be Lei and I, to the point it devolped a name ” mummy I want to snuggle” all very cute until I was snuggled right off the bed, leaving me clinging on to the edge of the bed!haha x

  10. This is hilarious, we have two of them in the bed during the night, one is known to combine the h AND footballer position while the other is a fan of the smackdown…… will I ever sleep again

  11. Ha ha Nicola I love this post, so true jeepers we went through a phase with out little lady like that and I don’t know how I didn’t end up on the ground more!

  12. Ha ha, great cartoons. I did a similar post on the 10 sleep positions of children a while back. Just makes me laugh (and cry in pain) to see the variety, and know that it’s not just me!

  13. This post did make me smile, I can relate to every single one! Our daughter, Darcie was the the same, she would wake around 4am and creep into our room. We ended up getting a Gro-Clock and that soon sorted her sleeping habits out, so worth a try xxx

    • I will def get a Gro Clock when she’s a bit older. What age is it suitable from? She’s only 13 moths at the mo xx

  14. I suffer from a twisted spine too, scoliosis.I know how hard it is to get to sleep at night, I co-slept with my youngest for 6 years, so I recognise all those positions.It never bothered me as I only had to share the bed with just her the last 4 years of co-sleeping.She was a starfish sleeper and I would have to sleep around her to get any decent night’s sleep.

    • Two in the bed is fine, after that, goodnight. Or should that be ‘bad night’? Yep scoliosis here too, mild enough, it’s more the neck that’s suffering these days.i use a special pillow but hard to know if it’s working or not!

    • You are right! She does mostly, we have her trained now, but still, can’t help but cuddle her for those few moments in our bed. It’s very sweet. Until she wallops me on the head and then forces me to get up ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. Ha!! I can so relate to this! I have a killer bad back too…I blame the toddler for sure! He is actually nearly four but still comes into our bed at 2am every damn night and then kicks me in the guts for the remainder of the evening. Joy!! Will definitely give these patches a whirl.
    Love the cartoons!! xx

    • Oh no, kick him out! We can’t do it anymore. We now sleep on the uncomfortable bed rather than bring her in. But it is nice to have the baby cuddles sometimes ๐Ÿ™‚ thanks for the comment x

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