I love Leonardo di Caprio. I love him like a first crush. I own him like a first crush. I mean, I saw him first. When I was 12. At the cinema. We spotted him before he was really famous. We picked him out from the Tom Cruises and the Dean Cains and the Paceys from Dawsons’ Creek.
We sat, open mouthed, spooning popcorn into our gobs, watching him in the fishtank scene in Romeo and Juliet. “I’m…… kissing…. you……”
We thought, we can be Juilet. We can be just like Claire Danes with her girl next door looks. Leo fancies her, he could fancy us right?
And then Titanic happened. And the shit really hit the fan.
We went to the cinema as many times as our pocket money allowed.
“How many times have you been to see Titanic?”
“Well I’ve been seventeen times, that’s how much I love him. More than you.”
We put giant posters of him and Rose on our bedroom walls and discussed for hours the ins and outs of the film itself. How COULD Rose say, “I’ll never let you go,” and then break poor Leo off in all his ice and push him away? Our minds boggled.
We wondered about his relationship with Kate Winslet. Were they an item in real life? Could it be love?
This mattered you see. Because we had a chance with him. If only he’d meet us. And get to know us. And understand that yes we were pale, under developed 14 year old girls, but we loved him. Like really loved him. And we could have a future. If only he’d show a bit of interest.
We read everything we could get our hands on. A thin book about his acting career so far, how he’d grown up in a poor neighbourhood in Los Angeles, how his mother had driven him to all his auditions. His mother sounded great. We had mothers. We had loads in common.
Then we went off the rails for a while. That was grand. Fame could to that to you. We understood. And we liked bad boys anyway.
The thing we always understood with Leonardo, was his talent. It stood out among all the colour and bomber jackets of the 90s. He had integrity. So when he came back with movies like The Departed, Blood Diamond and Inception – well sure then it was proven. He was just class.
The later years are a bit hazy. There was some weight gain. (On his part). A lot of leggy blondes – amazonian types. We had to admit that, in reality, with our child bearing hips – we probably couldn’t compete.
The Wolf of Wall Street was a bit of game changer. You couldn’t deny his fierce talent, which leapt off the screen in a giant cocaine induced binge.
When I saw The Revenant, I knew that he had the Oscar in the bag. There was something about his face – something that said, I’m an A lister and if you don’t give that damn gong I may quit movies for good and who would women in their early 30s relate to then?
I watched out for him on the red carpet last night. Heard his American drawl. Swooned. And remembered what it was like to be 12 again.
I know if I asked any of my girl friends they would all have the same feelings too. He is our generation icon. He is aging as we age. Growing up as we grow.
Sure, he’s in Hollywood, squillonaire and women dripping off his arm, but we know if he just met us, we’d still be in with a chance. Because that’s what the movie business is all about. Dreaming.
And why wouldn’t be be attracted to an early 30s, housewife, marketing writing type with only one child and husband that would need to be divorced?
Stranger things have happened. Now wouldn’t that make a good movie? You could call it The Housewife. Oscar 2017. Yes.