Eight ways the spammers try to GET YOU

We’re all familiar with spam. If you’re of a vintage like myself you would have started receiving it in the 90s to your yahoo or hotmail account. (Remember those!?) Before that, the closest we would have come to spam was a chain letter in the post. (Remember those too?!)

I still don’t ‘get’ spam. I don’t understand enough about the internety world to see how spending 23 hours a day sending out reams of badly written correspondence benefits you or your family. I know it’s something to do with back links and views to your p**n site, but still, spammers seem to spend an awful lot of effort trying to reach out to me. (By the way I’m putting stars in any of the s-e-x related words because if I stuff this post with good time Charlie language – well then guess what? More spam.)

Since going self-hosted on my blog I’ve come to know spammers quite well. The reason I went self-hosted was because I wanted to interact with readers and other bloggers. I used to have a Wix site and they had no way of letting you know if someone commented on your post. Comments let you know that people are reading what you write – or that what you are saying has some resonance. Without comments, you’re just sending your words out to the abyss – for yourself. So comments, are good.

With them however, come spam comments. Thousands of them. The first spam comment I got on my new self-hosted blog had me hovering over the ‘approve’ button. It was something along the lines of ‘hey great post, I really like what you’ve written, good job.’

Oh, I thought. THANK YOU! How sweet. People like me!

Then I re-read it and looked at the email address of the poster. It was a bit suspicious. It just didn’t feel right. I wanted to believe he liked what I wrote and that he took the time and trouble to comment. The truth was he didn’t give a f**k. He was a spammer and I nearly got caught.

This was a good move. Once you approve a spam comment, you go on a list of spammable sites. You will be bombarded! I don’t ever remembering approving dubious comments, but one day I checked a post that had been getting a lot of spam and there I found three published spam comments. Either they slipped through the net or I hit publish by mistake. Either way, since then, I’ve been screwed.  I am well at the top of the spam ladder.

One of my posts gets hit up at least 50 times a day. If I don’t log on to manage the comments daily, it becomes a massive chore to go in and sort them out. (First world problems but still, time is precious and all that.)

As I’ve been deleting out these comments I’ve found a pattern. These guys are good. I mean I want to believe what they are saying. They have raised my self-esteem no end. And because I can’t publish them to the site and let you all know what they are saying I’ve captured eight ways my favourite spammers try to get you. Let me guess – you’ve received these too?

1.The Compliment

I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I tҺought thiѕ post was great. I don’t know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if yоu aren’t already. Cheers!

S*x P*rno – you have seen the light

I’ve been browsing online more than three hours as of late, yet I never discovered any attention-grabbing article like yours. Іt’s pretty price sufficіent for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made just right content material as you did, the web will probably be much more useful than ever before.

Teen P*rn – tell me about it

Wonderful goods from you, man. I’ve keep in mind your stuff previoսs to and you are just too magnificent. I really like what you have boսght riǥht here, certainly like what you’re saying and the way during wҺich yοu say it.

2po*n.com – you sound JUST like my husband

2.The Question

Good day! Do you know if theү make any pluǥins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog tο rank for some targeted keyѡords but I’m not seeing very goοd success. If you know of any please share. Cheers!

BBW – you will be the first I’ll share it with when I find out

3.Permission to Share

Нi, i think tɦat i saw you visited my website so i came to “return the favor”.I’m attempting to find things to enhance my website!I suppose its ok to use a few of your ideas!!

Sure P*rnhd go right ahead – I’m ALL for plagiarism

4.The Design Job

I really lіke your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do іt for you? Plz reply as I’m looқing to construct my own blog and would like to find out whereu ǥot this from. many thanks

Nice try Spankbang

I ѕeriously love your websitе.. Very nice colorѕ & theme. Did you create this amazing site yourself?
Please reply back as I’m looking to create my own website and would like to leaгn where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named. Many thanks!

Sure Free P*rn Videos, check out WordPress, you may have heard of it before. You live there, spamming me!

5.The Financial Planning

(Link) can get your business a loan from 2k to $350,000 with no traditional guarantees or collateral

This sounds like a great business plan Smart Financial Planning, I’m in. Mail me back at stoptryingtopickonbrokebloggers@spamvictim.com

6.The Willingness to Pay Me

It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d definitely donate to this superb blog! I guess for now i’ll settle for book-marking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to new updates and will share this blog with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

Ooo this is good. Good English. Sharing my shit. And moolah!

7.The Insult

I ain’t suggesting your information is not ѕolid., but suppose you added something that grabbed folk’ѕ attention? I mean (article name) – LɑdyNicci is kinda vanilla.

Vanilla? Screw you 99p*rn.com!

8.The Plain Weird

Great site. Lots of helpful info here. I am sending it to a few pals ans additionally sharing in delicious. And naturally, thanks in your sweat!

Thanks in your sweat too Kindle Publishing

You controlled to hіt the nail upon tɦe top and also defined out the entire thіng without having side effect , people coߋuld take a signal.Will likely be agaіn to get moгe. Thanks

Likely? Commit Clip2Vip goddamit

If like me, you’ve had problems with spam my tips would be to:

a) Be very careful with how you approve your comments
b) Go back through particularly spammed posts to make sure there’s no nasty comments lurking published on your site
c) Think about disabling comments on a post for a while, if it’s been hit over and over again. You can do this in WordPress by unticking the ‘discussions’ checkbox under post in edit mode.

Now, back to my real life, where no one tells how amazing I am or how much money they want to give me. Damn you reality, damn you.